Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
