You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
