He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
