His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize