I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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