There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
