Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize