Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
