matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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