He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
