Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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