69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
