Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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