...so i touched it.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Text me some of your sweat
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
