I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
