If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
