Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
