He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
