and she was petting her beer can
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
