I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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