thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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