Me too!
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
