Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
