Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
