the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
