I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
