also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You took a bar mat shot.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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