Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
