I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
