Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
