Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
