I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
