I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
