Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just want to make out with him forever
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
