I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Can Purell be used as lube?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
