whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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