I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
