Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
