Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
