Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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