Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
