Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
