You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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