I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
