I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
