I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Text me some of your sweat
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize