blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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