its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The cops high fived after they tackled you
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
