I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
