Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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