At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
