I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
