So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
