Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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