hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
