Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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