Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
