We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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