How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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