That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
