And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
