Are we in a gay sports bar?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
