he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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