I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
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