you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
