You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
