why didn't you poke me back
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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