how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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