idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize