Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
