i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
