I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
