Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
