I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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