On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
