hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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