I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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