I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
