I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize