It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
