he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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