its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
