so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
